It's been a year. There's been a lot of processing and a lot of soul searching and there's been a lot of change.
I had to admit some of the hardest things anyone could ever admit. I had to give God my deepest, darkest hurts. Hurts I didn't even want to admit to myself. It was a painful process. There was a lot of weeping. But in the end, it was freeing. I'm not free from the hurts, but I am being freed from the power they were exerting over me.
I might, someday, be free to blog about the process and the pain. But not today. Today, understand that God is good. He may not put me in the easiest places, but He is good. And where He puts me is a place that is good for me. He has, in many respects, made my feet like hinds' feet and set me upon my high places. Places where I must struggle.
I've been able to have some very open conversations with a couple of my kids about the hurts. There are hurts we've endured together. I'd always hoped to spare them some of the pain. But I couldn't. I could only be here for them and show them how to keep going in spite of it all.
I don't know if that was enough.
But what I do know and am sure of is this: God is enough for them too. His grace and his mercy and his strength is always enough. He is the author and finisher of our faith. We'd have nothing to struggle and fight the good fight with if He wasn't there.
In the meantime, it wasn't all hardship.
My oldest got married. I'm a mom-in-law. She's got a great guy.
My youngest is beginning to show that old ornery self again. I've missed that kid.
My son is senior in high school.
My middle kid earned her 2nd degree black belt. And she got rear-ended. And she bought her first car.
My second child has started taking courses at PCC and got a promotion at work. Her confidence in her strengths is growing.
And I turned 50. Fifty isn't a bad place to be when hope covers you like a blanket. My hope is in the Lord.
