You're in the Army now...

Hannah's ride through reception has been utterly nerve wracking and insane. She didn't ship the first week because there were a lot of National Guard and Army Reserve women in her bay. They go first. Each battalion has room for 37 women. Hannah got to wait. The next week, she got news that she was going to ship and on her way to meet a drill sergeant to escort her to the PX, she began vomiting. That prompted a ton of tests. They determined she had the flu, but they found something else they needed to more seriously check. It was such a serious thing that it could have caused her to be medically discharged before she ever got to BCT. That guaranteed her a third week in reception.

Tonight, she got the call. She has been cleared and is assigned to a battalion.

My little girl is grown up. Sort of. She has some long hard days ahead of her, but I am so glad she's moving on now.

I'm full of emotions that really have no names. That's okay, though, because I'm Mom. I've earned these emotions. 

Death's door and the quilt

I've been ill. I've been at death's door since the Friday before Hannah left. That's long enough. Yesterday I didn't have to be anywhere so I declared it "sleep whenever I want to sleep" day. It helped. I woke up with enough energy this morning to make breakfast. I had enough energy left over that I even ate it. It wasn't all that tasty, but it was food. 

Now, I have to make up for 2 lost weeks. That means time to wash the bedding. I should mention that Rod was down for 4.5 days with the virus. He dragged himself out of bed this morning. That means time to wash all the bedding. Sheets done. Blanket done. Quilt--

Well, the quilt is another story. I got it through the wash no problem. So drying is actually the other story. Every 30 minutes for the next 2 days, I have to get into the dryer, unroll the quilt taquito, and dry it some more. 

But I lose patience too quickly. And also I need to get my pillows washed. The sickness must go. So, after an hour and a half in the dryer, I simply unroll it onto the bed. Still quite damp in some areas. Maybe it will dry faster that way. 

In the meantime, I'll be napping on the sofa. 

Beginnings and Endings

I suppose watching your children grow and make tough decisions is part of growing up for parents. We want them to fly after we have carefully nurtured them for so many years. We want them to learn the lessons of life they couldn't quite grasp while they were safely tucked under our wings. 

When they are the ones who doubt themselves the most, it's beautiful to watch them tentatively spread their wings. There's joy for them as they fly the first time; and they have the fears.

Saying goodbye to Hannah yesterday knowing she was about to embark upon some of the most difficult days she's ever faced was hard. When she told Rebecca that she loved her best of all and Becca cried was hard too. 

There's an awkward quietness around the house today. I guess it's the silence of missing someone when you can't really find the words to say it.

Well, let's be honest. There are ways in which her leaving are a relief. She's been moping and angsty for about three years. We don't miss that. But we miss her presence among us. We miss the moments of being giddy about her upcoming garden. We miss the body in her couch corner. We miss the body in her bed.  She may have been moody, but she was ours.

Now she belongs to the Army. I have watched the Army change her. I have watched her become happy again. I have watched her start to believe that she can do the things I've always known she could do. I've watched them give her purpose, even if the purpose she thought she wanted and the purpose they decided she was going to have were two different things. 

So, we'll grieve a while. And then we won't anymore because her absence will become our normal. And we'll see her in about 10 weeks and we'll see how she's changed and grown into some amazing thing she never believed she could be. 

And we will pray for her. Because there is no more hands on for me; I've been downsized from that part of her life.  But I cannot be denied prayer. 

So, #GoArmy and make her #ArmyStrong because in my heart I think this is the right thing for her. And that makes it the right thing for me.