Did you ever go along feeling the same old way for so long that you forgot that you ever felt any other way? Apparently I have been. I've not felt alive or healthy or energetic or anything for so long. I've gone to doctors who've told me I'm not sick enough to treat--almost, but not quite. So I've sucked it up. And sucked it up. And sucked it up. I've learned to make feeling like crap normal. Is that wrong? I mean, I've tried and I can't get better.
So, out of a vague memory of an herbal supplement from 20 years ago that helped me feel better than I'd felt in years (yeah, it's odd to say that when 20 years ago I was a 20-something wandering around feeling like crap all the time), I picked some up again. I've been on it for 4 or 5 days. And I'm going to say that the strangest thing is happening. I've been able to function without a nap for 2 days. Now, you may not think that's much, but to me it's huge. You may say, "It's only 4 or 5 days so you can't know for sure." Yeah, I'm not getting my hopes up; but I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because I woke up on time feeling like I'd slept last night. I'm hopeful because I did multiple errands without any dread. I'm hopeful because I still felt like I had life left in me after the errands and I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. And I swept floors and did laundry and dishes. And I cleaned my bathroom. And it's almost 9:30 pm and I'm doing okay. I'm tired but not the usual exhausted. Just tired.
So, maybe I can learn to have a new normal where I can think clearly and process things that need to be done and then be able to accomplish those things. If things are still chugging along nicely in a week, I'll spill the beans on the supplement.
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