I looked at myself in the mirror and the image that stared back at me wasn't me. It wasn't the me that God created; it was the me that I'd created in darkness. When my heart ached, I turned to food. When I needed a nap and felt like I just didn't have time to take one, I turned to food. When I was bored, I turned to food. I was turning to food to satisfy all of my needs. The only thing is that it didn't solve anything. It hurt everything. I gained 20 pounds in a year.
There's all this talk about "fat shaming." Well, blah. If you are fat and ashamed, that merely means you know something needs to change. That's where I was. I tried the gym. I worked out until I was exhausted and unable to get out of bed for a couple of weeks. I went for 3 months and lost 6 whopping pounds. That wasn't good enough. In the exhaustion, I gained it all back and then some.
(If you are fat and don't care, no one can shame you because you don't care. So, either you care or don't. If you care, do something. Change it because you know that isn't the real you.)
Over time, I began to accept that I was fat. That's when it dawned on me that the person in my reflection wasn't who I really was. That's when I began to know something would change. I just had to find what.
From previous posts, you know how I deal with constant exhaustion. You know I don't want to be this sick person that I always am. I want to be vibrant; I want to healthy.
Enter Trim Healthy Mama. I had a friend mention it to me once. It was planted in the back of my brain. But then another friend announced that she'd lost a great amount of weight and all along she'd been talking about how well she was eating. Then I began to see that I had other friends who were on the plan. I began chatting with them. I asked questions.
And then I did it. I ordered the monster book. (There's a new edition coming out so I'm not going to post a link.) And while I waited for my book to arrive, I stopped all sugar and overly-refined foods. And I lost 2 pounds immediately. Then I lost 4. And now I'm sitting at 10 pounds down.
Mind you, 6 pounds was the most I'd ever lost on any diet. But this isn't really a diet. I'm eating so much good food and I get to eat until I'm satisfied.
But there's more. With this weight loss, I'm seeing other things happen. I don't need two cups of coffee to get going in the morning. I might only want half a cup. The constant pain in my shins has lessened to a very great degree. My constant sore throat is gone. I have been able to plan chores and do them (without my supplement, mind you). I survived VBS week which was immediately followed by grocery shopping. The tired I felt was an honest tired and not the embarrassing sort of tired. My skin has cleared up.
My weight loss is slow compared to some who started about the same time I did. I tend to get a little jealous. But look, my body has a lot of healing it needs to do. Things I didn't know were wrong are changing. My spirits have lifted. I'm listening to sermons online again as opposed to drowning my fog in Farmville. (Trust me, THAT one is huge.)
Now, I'm not saying Trim Healthy Mama is a cure-all. I may still need the supplement at times. I am saying that eating well is sort of amazing. For once, I am encouraged in a "diet." And for once, I am seeing glimpses of who God created me to be and not this me that I created.
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